In an effort to sort out all the bad karma I am almost certainly due because of nefarious past deeds, I’m going to attempt to tackle the problem head on by periodically apologising for them in my blog. They’re in no particular order; not chronological, nor in terms of severity. They’re just appearing in the order they pop into my head.

Apology #7

One time I went out on a night out, and I ended up sat amongst quite a big group of people. I didn’t know all of them; I knew like two people there, and the rest were friends of friends and so forth. So I was having a good time, you know, banter and that. Pretty standard. Anyway, there’s like three girls sat over from me and one of them asks if I’ll come over and talk to their friend because she was shy but she liked me.

At this point, I need to point something out; I’d only had like two drinks here. Four drinks in and this bitch would be toast. She could have looked like Ronald McDonald and I’d have still swooped in and given all my best (read: appalling) patter. Two drinks and it was touch and go. She wasn’t really my type. I hadn’t crossed the drunken villain threshold. And if she was too shy to speak then the craic would probably have been lifting.

So anyway. And this is actually some good karma right here, I think. I said I was leaving soon and I wasn’t looking for anything anyway so it would be best if I didn’t. I felt pretty good because I could have gone in there all guns blazing. I could have told her some outright lies. I could have given her a false name and number and defiled her round a dingy back alley. She’d already played her hand, man. I already knew I was in. But no, I was a gent.

Anyway, so I was feeling pretty decent because I had been a gentleman (or at least, not a fucking scumbag) and then her friend says, “Is it because she’s in a wheelchair?”.

“Huh?”

“Is it because she’s in a wheelchair?”

“She… wha…”

I glanced to my left to discover that this wasn’t the worlds best poker face; this girls friend really was in a wheelchair. And so I’m on the spot. Do I backpeddle? Do I run? Obviously, the correct course of action would have been to just tell the truth and stand my ground; to politely explain that I hadn’t noticed her friend was in a wheelchair, but that it made not one jot of difference to my disposition. I really was leaving soon, and I really wasn’t interested in looking for a girlfriend.

Sure, that is what I should have done. But I’d just had an A-bomb of news dropped on the proverbial Hiroshima of my cool. I was a rabbit in headlights. I was lost for words. I opened my mouth about four times before I actually managed to say a complete word whilst my mind raced to find a way out of this.

So, naturally, five minutes later I’m sat talking to these broads. And yeah, the girl was actually nice. And her friends were perfectly amiable. But I was still on a schedule. And I still wasn’t interested. But in the end after a bit of a chat and then saying my goodbyes, I’d agreed to meet back up with her the next day.

Pretty good yarn. We met under awkward circumstances but then hit it off and made a date. It could almost be the bare bones for a Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore type movie.

Oh wait, that’s not the end of the story. I forgot this little bit of information. You know how I said I was on a schedule? Yeah, that was for a train. Because I was currently in Manchester. And I was getting the train away from Manchester. Because I live fucking miles away from Manchester. And I had no plans to ever be in Manchester, at any point, ever again.

Yes. Rather than just be a man and stand my ground, I told a girl in a wheelchair I’d meet up with her for a date and then mere hours later was hundreds of miles away with no intention of ever going back. I can’t even remember her name. I just wanted to be fucking out of there as soon as humanly possible.

So I’m sorry for lying to this girl, which isn’t necessarily worse because she was in a wheelchair, but it certainly sounds worse. And sorry for standing you up.

Well, not literally. You’d have just fallen over.

Yeah sorry for that too.

:)